Questions for Divorce Attorney Consultations

A working reference for initial consults. Read the first section before you schedule anything.

Before You Schedule

Do not move to Virginia until an attorney tells you it’s safe.

Where you file will shape this case more than any other single decision, and moving changes your options in ways that are hard to reverse.

DC has no separation requirement and no waiting period. One spouse can file by asserting the marriage is over. The only requirement is six months of DC residency.
Virginia requires six months of separation and a signed settlement agreement to file no-fault without minor children — twelve months otherwise. Virginia also requires six months of Virginia residency before you can file there.

Moving starts a new clock in Virginia while weakening your DC residency. There is a window where neither jurisdiction will hear the case. Ask about this in your first consult, before you sign a lease.

One fact that may change the whole analysis: where does she live? Only one spouse needs six months of DC residency for DC to hear the case. Her job is anchored to Capitol Hill and isn’t portable. If she is a DC resident, DC may stay available to you even after you move — which would preserve the faster forum. Pin this down before you decide anything about a lease.

Also do before consults:

Ask each firm to run a conflicts check immediately.
Schedule three to five consults over a short window, not spread across months.
Bring documents, not conclusions. Tax returns, pay stubs, account statements, retirement balances, the mortgage or lease, loan balances. An attorney can only assess what they can see.
Gather what you can on her federal benefits: FERS service history, TSP statements, FEHB enrollment, FEGLI coverage. These are a significant marital asset and they divide under rules that don’t apply to private-sector plans.
Write down a timeline of relevant events with dates before you go. You will forget details under stress.

Tier 1 — The Eleven That Matter

If you only get through eleven questions, make it these. A consult is 60 to 90 minutes and you also need time to describe your situation.

1. Where should this be filed, and what does that change?

The single highest-value question given your DC and Virginia situation. A good answer covers residency requirements, timing, and how each jurisdiction handles support and property division differently.

2. Which judges hear these cases, and have you appeared before them?

Family court outcomes vary enormously by bench. An attorney who can’t speak specifically about the local judiciary is not a local practitioner in the way that matters.

3. Based on what I’ve told you, what’s your initial strategy?

They should be able to sketch something preliminary in the first meeting. Vagueness here is a signal.

4. What concerns you most about this case?

Pairs with the strategy question. You want someone who names problems out loud on day one.

5. How do you handle a case where the other side’s account of the facts differs sharply from mine?

Ask it this way rather than characterizing your spouse. You get the same substantive answer, and you don’t spend your credibility in the first ten minutes.

6. Have you divided FERS, TSP, and FEHB benefits before, and have you drafted a COAP that OPM accepted?

Do not skip this one. My spouse is a federal employee, and federal retirement does not divide like private retirement. OPM rejects QDROs outright — a federal pension requires a Court Order Acceptable for Processing, and the TSP requires a separate Retirement Benefits Court Order. Health coverage has its own rules; a former spouse can’t simply stay on the employee’s enrollment.

An attorney who hasn’t done this will learn on your money, and a defective order gets bounced by OPM and has to be redone in court. In the DC and Northern Virginia market this experience is common, so there’s no reason to accept someone who lacks it.

7. My spouse is an attorney — a legislative drafter, not a litigator. What does that change?

The useful answer is about where the risk actually sits. She has probably never taken a deposition or argued a motion, so procedural aggression is less likely to come from her personally than from her counsel. What she does professionally, all day, is find the ambiguity in written text.

That means the settlement agreement is the battleground, not the courtroom. Ask how carefully they draft, whether they use their own agreement templates or the other side’s, and how they handle a counterparty who will read every provision looking for the exception. A trial lawyer who’s careless with language is the wrong fit here.

8. What’s my realistic financial exposure, including her fees?

Both DC and Virginia allow courts to order one spouse to contribute to the other’s attorney’s fees. Ask directly what the likelihood is given your income picture, and what a contested case in this jurisdiction typically costs end to end.

9. Who staffs my case, and how do you communicate?

Whether you deal with the partner or an associate, typical response time, preferred channel, and how they handle after-hours contact.

10. Will you tell me when I’m wrong?

Ask it plainly. You want someone who will say no to you. Watch how comfortable they are with the question itself.

11. What are the biggest risks for me here?

Close every consult with this. The answer is the most diagnostic thing you’ll hear all day.

Tier 2 — Ask If There’s Time

Experience and fit

How many high-conflict divorces do you handle each year?
What’s the most similar case you’ve handled to mine?
Have you litigated against opposing counsel who was also the party?
How often do your cases settle, and when did you last try a divorce case?

If they say “every divorce is high conflict,” that’s a dodge. You want someone who distinguishes ordinary friction from genuinely abusive litigation.

Process and timeline

What process do you recommend: litigation, mediation, collaborative divorce, or private arbitration? Why?
What would make you change that recommendation?
What happens in the first thirty days after filing?
Are there automatic injunctions on assets or accounts once a case is filed?
Can I get temporary support or exclusive use of the residence, and how fast?
What’s a realistic timeline to resolution?

Money — the physician-employee version

You don’t own a practice, so this isn’t a business valuation case. It’s an income and deferred-compensation case.

How is variable compensation treated for support purposes — bonuses, RVU-based pay, moonlighting, call pay?
What happens with deferred compensation, unvested equity, or retirement plan balances?
How are student loans allocated? Which portion is marital?
Does my medical degree or license count as marital property in this jurisdiction?
Does an employment non-compete affect how the court views my earning capacity?
Do we need a forensic accountant? Who would you use and what does that cost?

Money — her side of the ledger

Her compensation may be a matter of public record. The House publishes quarterly Statements of Disbursements covering staff compensation; worth checking whether Legislative Counsel staff appear there before spending discovery dollars on something you can look up.

Her federal benefits are the technical piece:

How is the FERS annuity valued and divided? Shared interest or separate interest?
What’s the marital share calculation, and when does she get paid — at her retirement or sooner?
Should a survivor annuity be part of the deal, and what does electing one cost?
How does the TSP get split, and what’s the timing on transfer?
Does she qualify for continued FEHB coverage under Spouse Equity, or fall to Temporary Continuation of Coverage?
What about FEGLI?
Who drafts the COAP and the RBCO, what does that cost, and how long does OPM take to approve?

One practical warning: after the decree, a former spouse cannot remain on the employee’s family FEHB enrollment. Carriers have sued people for years of improperly paid claims. Make sure whoever handles this puts notification on a checklist.

Fees and billing mechanics

Retainer amount, hourly rate, and who else bills on the file.
Billing increments — tenths of an hour versus quarter hours is a real cost difference.
What happens when the retainer runs down? Replenishment terms?
Who pays expert fees, and when?
What tasks can be delegated to reduce cost?
What drives fees up fastest, and what can I do to control them?
Can I review the fee agreement before I decide, rather than at signing?

Conduct of the case

How do you keep a case from being dragged out?
How do you respond to inflammatory communications from the other side?
How do you keep fees from becoming the weapon?
What’s your approach when the other side refuses reasonable offers?
When do you conclude settlement isn’t worth pursuing?

Listen for calm confidence. Bravado is a warning sign, not a selling point.

Fault and conduct evidence

Relevant mainly if Virginia is in play, where fault grounds carry real consequences.

Does conduct during the marriage affect support or property division here?
If either of us had a relationship outside the marriage, how does that change the analysis?
What evidence should I be preserving now, and what should I avoid doing?

Drafting the agreement

Worth its own section given who’s on the other side. In Virginia, a signed settlement agreement is also what unlocks the six-month no-fault path instead of twelve — so this document does double duty.

Who drafts the first version, us or them? What’s the advantage either way?
How do you handle definitional fights over terms like income, bonus, or marital share?
What provisions cause the most post-decree litigation, and how do you close them?
How do we handle enforcement and fee-shifting if she breaches later?
Will you walk me through every provision before I sign, not just the summary?

How you’ll work together

How do you work with clients who have trouble holding a position under pressure?
If I start conceding too much just to end the conflict, will you push back?
How do you keep a reasonable client from getting steamrolled?

Avoiding conflict leads to bad settlements. Say this out loud and see how they respond.

Tier 3 — After the Consults

Questions to answer for yourself once you’ve seen three or more attorneys:

Who gave the most specific answer about local judges?
Who identified a risk nobody else mentioned?
Who was willing to disagree with me?
Whose cost estimate was most detailed, and who dodged?
Who did I understand most easily when they explained something complicated?

Red Flags

Guarantees any outcome
“You have nothing to worry about”
“You’re going to crush her”
Won’t put fee terms in writing or won’t let you review the agreement first
Can’t name the judges who hear these cases
Disparages opposing counsel personally
Pressures you to retain before you leave the room
Dismisses the venue question as a detail
Hasn’t handled federal employee benefits, or waves it off as routine paperwork
Treats the settlement agreement as a formality to be papered after the real work

Green Flags

Talks about evidence rather than assumptions
Focuses on outcomes instead of winning
Prepared for a difficult opponent without escalating
Gives realistic ranges on support, property, and timeline
Sets expectations about how they’ll manage communication and cost
Comfortable saying “I don’t know yet, but here’s how we’ll find out”
Asks you hard questions rather than only answering yours

One Note on How You Present

Bring specifics. Dates, documents, what was said, what she did when you raised separation, which accounts she controls.

Let the attorney reach the conclusions. Characterizations in the first twenty minutes get discounted, because every experienced family lawyer has heard them from clients on both sides of the same marriage. Facts don’t get discounted. Both approaches convey the same information, but only one of them lands as credible.